When I grew up, a few years ago,
it was a different world. Technology has brought us the information
age. All it takes is a connection and a few minutes to find
information on nearly any subject you're interested in. It wasn't so
those decades ago when I was young. If the information you were
seeking couldn't be found in the public library, in a magazine or on
the few channels available on the TV, it might as well not exist.
There were shows, or at least reruns of shows such as Father Knows
Best and Leave it to Beaver that put perfect families on display for
all of us. It was easy to believe that if you were different you
were wrong, strange. Because surely no-one else was like this.
Everyone else was much more like what we saw on our media of the day.
You were alone in the world and any evidence to the contrary just
wasn't available. Even after I found out that gender reassignment
was possible I had no idea how one went about seeking it. I had read
that it did involve a therapist somehow but that was the limit of the
information I could find out, “in the day.”
Society wasn't as open to these issues
back then. If you were gay or transgender you kept quiet about it.
It was very difficult at best to find others like you or to find
support. Sometimes as luck would have it someone would run across
another similarly afflicted but for most of us it wasn't so. We
suffered alone, we knew we were freaks so we kept quiet.
With the advent of the Internet things
have improved drastically. Information is available in minutes. We
are no longer all alone. We can read the stories of others that have
faced the same issue. We can find support and understanding in
minutes. Knowing you're not alone helps make life bearable in some
small way. Reading the stories of others can help us to find
courage. Yes I am grateful for our information age. When I was
finally ready to address this issue I was able to find the
information I needed. With this information I was able to reach out
for assistance and start to become whole.
The society of yesterday did not
suggest seeking out therapy for mental health issues. There was a
stigma attached to those that sought therapy. If it was known that
you were under therapy it was always assumed that you had major
issues. Remember this was a time when mental health hospitals were
very large and people were sent there for quite a number of reasons.
I've heard that it was rare to find a therapist that had any real
knowledge about transgender issues. So at least as far as I remember
there was no real incentive to seek out counseling. If you had
“issues” you would just tough it out and hide it from others.
Hiding “issues” from everyone takes it's toll after awhile and
makes the situation worse.
Today counseling doesn't have the
stigma attached to it that it used to have. And to tell the truth
both the mental health and medical professions have grown up a lot
since those days. Although not all therapist's are well versed in
the issue today many are. Society is also becoming more aware of the
issue today. It's easier to seek out therapy, to find quality
therapist's and to be accepted in society.
I also grew up in a very conservative
church. In many of these churches it was believed that God can cure
you of any aliment. God was called the great physician. If you were
“abnormal” in anyway it was sinful. You needed to repent, give
it to God, pray harder, read your bible more and God would cure you.
If you failed it's because you were still sinning, it was your fault.
Turning to secular therapist's was not the answer, that was the
realm of the devil. It was human wisdom, human knowledge and not
worthy of a Christian. It was another sign that you were sinning and
not fully giving the problem to God.
For decades I went down that road. I'd
try to give this over to God. I'd get rid of everything, promise God
and myself that I'd never do it again. I read the bible more, prayed
longer and more earnestly all to no avail. I kept failing. Of
course that lead to guilt and shame and another round of promising
God, reading the bible and prayer. The first time my wife suggested
I seek counseling I said I just needed to get closer, get right with
God. I took a two day personal sabbatical just to study the bible
more and pray more. Somewhere I read a definition of insane, “to
do the same thing and expect different results.” Under this
definition I was truly insane.
In my younger years it was lack of
information that kept me from the help I needed. That and societies
stigma against therapy. Now it was my belief that God would do it
all. That with God on my side I didn't need therapy to rid myself of
this sin. I was wrong. A lifetime of repression and suppression had
taken it's toll. It would take years of therapy to become whole
again.
God used a Godly, Christian therapist
to open my mind to other possibilities. New ways of thinking about
God, new ways of seeking God, new ways of listening to God. It was
only through therapy that I began to find healing and wholeness. I
realized some time ago that the years that I tried to put this sin
away I was really fighting against myself. I am transgender, it is
who I am, it is my heart and any attempt to eliminate this is an
attempt to eliminate me.
Although information is now easy to
find. Society is more accepting of therapy and of LGBT issues.
Although therapy and the medical field has matured. The religious
teaching that God can cure you of all issues has become very popular.
The health and wealth gospel is enticing and is proclaimed in some
of the largest churches in America. Now I believe that God is all
powerful and can cure anything. Yet at the same time I cannot
pretend to know the mind of God. Sometimes it seems he does cure
people, sometimes they find healing through a doctor and sometimes
healing doesn't come. I don't know why, it's God's choice.
Recently I found a post from a
Christian ministry that claimed the church I'm a part of is not a
Christian church because they refer people to therapy if needed.
They use personality profiles when looking for a potential minister.
The idea that God can cure you if you are just dedicated enough and
therapist's are a tool of the devil is still alive and well in some
Christian churches.
Theology has it's place, an important
place. But for too long I allowed theology to replace the therapy
that I needed and that actually helped me. Theology has it's place
but so does therapy. Its not a case of either theology or therapy,
sometimes it's both. Sometimes even a Christian may need to seek out
therapy. It's OK. It's not a sign that you've failed God in fact it
may be that you will find healing through therapy. And at any rate
any transgender individual seeking hormones and/or surgery needs the
endorsement of a qualified therapist.
God Bless
Anita
